Die verskil tussen dames en regte vrouens...

Dames - As jy per ongeluk te veel sout by 'n dis gegooi het terwyl dit nog kook, gooi 'n geskilde aartappel by, die sout sal opgetrek word.
Regte Vrouens - As jy te veel sout bygevoeg het, is dit 'n jammerte. Ek het dit gemaak en jy SAL dit eet... of maak jou eie

Dames - Hulp vir hoofpyn: Vat 'n halwe suurlemoen, sny dit in die helfte en smeer dit aan jou voorkop. Die pyn sal weggaan.
Regte Vrouens - Vat suurlemoen, meng dit met tequila, en drink, jy mag dalk nog jou hoofpyn hê, maar so what?

Dames - Sit 'n Klein "marshmallow" in die onderpunt van 'n roomyshorinkie om te keer dat die roomys lek.
Regte Vrouens - Suig net die roomys van onder af. Jy lê seker in elk geval met jou voete in die lug op die bank.

Dames - As 'n koekresep sê jy moet die bodem van die pan met meel strooi, gebruik sommer van die droë koekmengsel, dan sal daar nie wit gemors onder aan die koek wees nie.
Regte Vrouens - Gaan bakkery toe, hulle sal die koek sommer versier ook.

Dames - Gebruik 'n washandskoen om bottels oop te maak wat vassit.
Regte Vrouens - Gaan vra daardie aantreklike nuwe buurman.

Dames - Gooi die oorskietwyn in ysblokhouers, vries dit en gebruik dit later in sous en geregte.
Regte Vrouens - OORSKIETWYN? Wat jy waaaaa kry?

How NOT to address a drag queen!

So there I was... not minding my own business and sending our new show's press release out to the media which reads:

Good Day

Please find attached a press release for your Events, Arts and/or Entertainment section. One is in Afrikaans and one in English. It’s about our new up and coming show, Boys and their... Balls... or lack thereof which will be held on January 30, Pretoria... for your kind consideration.

All our money has been used to buy shoes, make-up and wigs so any free publicity you can give to our Ubuntu event, would be highly appreciated.

The attached photo is available in higher resolution, should you need it.

Thanks

Hugz and peached

xxxxx
P@`

Then I got a reply from this so called 'editor'

Reply from the Editor - Barberton Times to me
show details 1:29 PM (4 hours ago)

Please remove our address from you contact list - Barberton Times is a small, free community newspaper with hardly enough space to carry all the news out of the community. News from other areas need to be accompanied by at least a quarter page advertisement. For quotes on this you can contact Retha Tervit on 013-712-7329 or advertising@barbertontimes.co.za

Regards
Lynette

To whom I've replied:

No problem Lynette...

After your unfriendly/unprofessional reply - I can surely understand WHY you are small and will stay small... What kind of a news desk asks people/sources (who send them a press release for the first time) to remove them from their mailing list and then have the audacity to refer them to their advertising department? Even if we had the funds, I would surely not spend a dime at your publication... and I WILL spread the word through the gay community on how you choose to treat readers/clients/. You obviously don’t realise the power of the pink rand, but that will not surprise me.

But thanks anyhoo

P@`

Lynette - here's some pointers on HOW to address Royalty

* Acknowledge royalty with a bow from the neck (not the waist).
* Only shake the queen's hand if she offers it to you first. If you are wearing gloves, do not remove them.
* Do not begin a conversation with the queen. Instead, wait until she starts speaking to you
* Finish your first reply using a formal address. For example, if a Queen asks you, "How are you enjoying the United Kingdom?" you would respond, "It's wonderful, Your Royal Highness." Each title carries a different formal address:
~ Queens and kings are addressed as "Your Majesty." Introduce them as "Her Majesty the Queen" (not "Queen of England", as she is the "Queen of the United Kingdom", "Queen of Canada" and a long array of additional titles).
~ Princes and princesses are referred to "Your Royal Highness." Introduce them as "His Royal Highness the Prince of Wales."
~ Any child or male line grandchild of a monarch is considered a prince or princess.

South Africa's got Talent!!!

'n Man so na aan my hart!!

xxx

Boepensies en love handles...

I soooooooo wish I can take credit for this poem, but alas - I can't... but I can soooooooo relate to it!! ;) N'joy. (with a chocolate, ice cream and milk shake off corse. Hell Go Big or go Big Mac!)

Twas the month after Christmas,
and all through the house,
Nothing would fit me,
not even a blouse.

The cookies I'd nibbled,
the chocolate I'd taste
At the holiday parties
had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scales
there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store
(less a walk than a lumber),

I'd remember the marvellous meals I'd prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."

As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt...
I said to myself, as I only can,
"You can't spend a winter, disguised as a man!"

So, away with the last of the sour cream dip.
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
Till all the additional ounces have vanished.

I won't have a cookie, not even a lick.
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie.
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore...
But isn't that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all, and to all a good diet.

Jannie

So well... New Year's eve came and gone... and since this is the year of the mighty 2010... soccermania, I though it good to show you guys the photo of my internet pen pal... he will be comming to South Africa this year for the first time, to visit me, and to look at all the balls... I mean soccer players of all over the globe.

His name is Jannie... Girls and boys, he is single, so send me your contact details, and I'll hook you up with him.



xxx
Petunia @`